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jealousy and insecurities
Jul. 16th, 2021 11:26 pm"Pay attention to the feelings and their sources within you. It's an anxiety, an anxiety of the fear of abandonment. Perhaps reflect on your early childhood experience with your parents, particularly your mother. Was she depressed, unavailable in some way, perhaps always angry? Typically, when our childhood experience with our parents is characterized by an anxious seeking of emotional validation from them, then that is what love feels like to us. That becomes our model of love, so in relationships as an adult, subconsciously you think that is how you're supposed to feel and perceive your relationship and partner.
From another perspective, it's typically an indication that you lack a concrete relationship with yourself. You don't feel like you're good enough, that you have value inherent that is not conditional on, say, your relationship. When you feel that your sense of value and self-worth is dependent on your partner, then you will have a sense of ownership over them, and become possessive. This is where the idea of people, although men are typically highlighted because they tend to become dangerously violent compared to women, having a sense of entitlement over their partner, their body, and their emotions. The truth, nobody can complete you, and the more you believe they can, then the more you will feel disappointed and abandoned, and of course we just end up blaming our partners for this.
Through the art of detachment, we can overcome this. Pay attention to your emotions during meditation, and dwell in them, sit in them. Learn about how they arise, and therefore, how they cease. From this we learn that all phenomena, including emotional phenomena and also thought phenomena, are impermanent and thus not essential to us; they don't define us, and from this we can learn that we don't have to feel that way. And as you learn this, you transform yourself. You don't have to be nervous when you have to speak in front of a crowd. You don't have to be nervous speaking to a random girl. You don't have to be jealous in a relationship. These are all learned, and so can be unlearned. Although the longer we ignore them, the deeper they become enmeshed in our neural network.
And when we learn that we don't have to feel that way, we learn that our value actually isn't predicated on how others perceive or react to us. That it is inherent, and focusing the mind on that internal and inherent conscious experience of abundance teaches you that it's already there. But it takes a lot of work and training, that's primarily the purpose of the human religious-spiritual project for thousands of years."
From another perspective, it's typically an indication that you lack a concrete relationship with yourself. You don't feel like you're good enough, that you have value inherent that is not conditional on, say, your relationship. When you feel that your sense of value and self-worth is dependent on your partner, then you will have a sense of ownership over them, and become possessive. This is where the idea of people, although men are typically highlighted because they tend to become dangerously violent compared to women, having a sense of entitlement over their partner, their body, and their emotions. The truth, nobody can complete you, and the more you believe they can, then the more you will feel disappointed and abandoned, and of course we just end up blaming our partners for this.
Through the art of detachment, we can overcome this. Pay attention to your emotions during meditation, and dwell in them, sit in them. Learn about how they arise, and therefore, how they cease. From this we learn that all phenomena, including emotional phenomena and also thought phenomena, are impermanent and thus not essential to us; they don't define us, and from this we can learn that we don't have to feel that way. And as you learn this, you transform yourself. You don't have to be nervous when you have to speak in front of a crowd. You don't have to be nervous speaking to a random girl. You don't have to be jealous in a relationship. These are all learned, and so can be unlearned. Although the longer we ignore them, the deeper they become enmeshed in our neural network.
And when we learn that we don't have to feel that way, we learn that our value actually isn't predicated on how others perceive or react to us. That it is inherent, and focusing the mind on that internal and inherent conscious experience of abundance teaches you that it's already there. But it takes a lot of work and training, that's primarily the purpose of the human religious-spiritual project for thousands of years."
